Just yesterday, I wrote about surfing a higher vibe and committing to feeling GOOD in the new year. Then, enter life. My home life is tough right now. My husband is dealing with a lot of anxiety and anger related to his estranged father and a recent death on his father’s side of the family. We have a TWO YEAR OLD — ’nuff said. And we have a one year old rescue puppy who pretty much just follows us around relentlessly trying to get attention amid the regular chaos of our home. Not to mention, I’m seven months pregnant and work full-time. I know that none of this makes me special. For so many of us, this crazy, hectic, spread-thin lifestyle is the modern norm.
All that aside, I am coping so much better now with the demands of full-time working and parenting because I have made so much inner progress. I’ve let go of old hurts and cleared old emotional blocks that were draining my energy; I have opened and cleared major chakra energy blocks; I actually love myself for the first time in a verrrrry long time; I’ve reconnected with source or God or the divine or the universe (insert preferred term here); I have realized that everything is okay in the present moment; I have realized that we are all one. The list of awakenings goes on, but it still doesn’t account for the fact that life keeps happening.
It’s like, if one member of the family’s energy is down, the energy of the whole house is down. The only thing I know to do for my husband is to offer love and support (which is usually cordially refused) and then either tend to our toddler and try to redirect the family activity for the day, or retreat into my happy space (if I can) with my candles, journal, podcasts, etc. and try to recoop from the energy strain of the stressful situation at hand.
There is SO much here to be unpacked — just the facts of being a spouse and a parent call forth all of their own obstacles to manifesting a high-vibe life. I hear all of the self-help experts living the bliss of flow and manifesting through their exalted energy states, but I never hear them talk about doing this while navigating the kinds of familial bonds and domestic obligations that a HUGE number of us manage on a non-stop basis.
Soooo, as I mentioned in my first blog, I’ve just wrapped up a year of wild consumption of all manner of personal development books and podcasts and courses and meditations and therapy sessions and body work and emotional release and reiki treatments and reiki training, and I am just now starting to feel a real shift in energy welling up for the first time — just in time for the new year! Talk about divine energy and divine timing!
I experienced many new awarenesses and openings of the soul and “ah-ha’s” and purgings and letting go’s over the course of 2018, but I never really felt close to the real, lasting change that I yearned for. I told my therapist at my very first appointment that I could clearly see the me I wanted to be. In my mind’s eye, I saw a peaceful, joyful, loving, caring, glowing, smiling, passionate, creative, fulfilled, authentic, purposeful me, emanating light and life and complete inner peace.
I don’t feel like I am that person yet, but after the tremendous change I’ve already experienced, I know that I am on my way. This year, I commit to surfing the higher vibe. It’s a matter of going where the energy feels lighter, and freer, and more exuberant. Like my beloved father used to say, “Wherever you go, there you are.” I cannot look to anyone else to elevate the quality of my life. I must simply follow what FEELS good and avoid what doesn’t because wherever I choose to go, there I will be.
I am writing this blog in hopes of connecting with other people who are either interested in or immersed in personal/spiritual development but who are maybe bogged down in the details and demands of work and bills and relationships and child-rearing or who are maybe just feeling a little alone in the whole process.
A little bit about me: in the present moment, I’m feeling like I’ve tried, tried, tried to make the “right” choices in life so that I would love my job and have lots of security and prosperity, but I’m not quite there . . . I’m feeling so stuck in my career and so stuck under the weight of debt. I’ve been working for over a year now on clearing old emotional blocks and limiting beliefs, and from this clearer place, I’m trying to manifest my dream job and my dream life.
I’m in the thick of this process and am looking to connect with others who are on a similar path. Each week, I’ll blog on my latest thoughts and questions and on any recent successes or “failures”. I’d love to hear about yours, too!